Assalamualaikum.
OK, apologies to the unmentioned friend from whose statement this title is derived. No offence!
It had been a very lovely Eid in Manchester. Full of diet-crashing delicacies and mind-boggling extravaganza that makes the quadriceps-torturing walks to find the houses worthwhile. And of course, the warm hospitality of hosts and friendly company of fellow visitors make Eid feel like Eid. The time for friendship, love, forgiveness, and gratefulness for Allah’s Grace. InsyaAllah I’ll come up with a special entry on Eid@Manchester. (Note, especially to some bashful or extremely cooperative guys: I didn’t take all those photos simply for my personal collection! Hehe.)
What do we do during those Raya visits? Visit. And eat. And meet friends. Girl-friends, to be more specific and coherent with the theme. What do girls do when they meet? Talk. About what? Vaaaaarious issues. And when a group of girls (a youthful young mom is also considered a ‘girl’, especially in a place where first-years get married and third-years become parents-to-be) meet, in a cosy dimly-lit living room one late afternoon, what do they talk about?
OK I’m beating about the bush here. We’re discussing marriages, breakups, love, long-distance relationships, and the crux of the issue, how on earth are we going to find a good husband? One who fits all our scrupulous requirements (although most of us are single and very available, and perhaps desperately so, we are, as expected of intelligent young ladies well-grounded in education both of this world and the next, quite choosy when it comes to life-long partnerships), and one who would find us befitting their requirements as well.
That last fragment of the last sentence brings me to the main point of this article, after dragging you for a few kilometers. This might sound like a biased opinion, and I apologise for it, but I’m bringing it from the viewpoint that I know best, which is mine. Girls from other fields of specialties, engineering, accountancy, finance, fashion designing, or perhaps TESL, in short anything other than medicine, only worry about when they will find the right guy. We, on the other hand, the “medically-affiliated ladies”, the “medicine bluestockings”, have other concerns to think about. We’re concerned about our significantly reduced potential of becoming a graceful wife and a mother blessed with, say, five or six kids, because we had ‘inadvertently’ chosen this pathway of career, and henceforth, life, as a medical student and later on a medical practitioner? Doctor, to use the general term.
Why, some might ask. Compared to ‘the others’, aren’t girls on the medical field equally attractive? (Yes we are.) Aren’t they equally good at housework - cooking, decorating, childcare, even sewing? (I would testify to that with living witnesses and samples.) Aren’t they just as religious and morally upright? (see earlier comment.)
From our collective observations and readings, we concluded that ladies in the medical field (or in other similarly demanding professions, though perhaps not as ’seriously’) are perceived (by the eligible bachelors out there) as more likely to be unable to commit (as much as they expected a wife to commit) to marriage and be the model wife they’re looking for. OK that might sound a bit bitter. I’ll improvise. These realistic, practical, and future-model-husband-and-father-type guys are concerned that they would not be able to put up with their professional (or hospital-bound) wives’ inability to fulfill a large part of their traditional roles. These (poor) ladies are very likely to spend a lot of time running hither and thither in-between wards from one sick patient to the other, instead of cooking delicious food for their husband and cradling their cute little baby, that they have to let the husband babysit. They are more likely to return home extremely haggard from the night-shifts and laden with paperwork, to the extent which discouraged many a romantic getaway, or even encounters.
As a friend aptly said, when I suggested to him about a nice selection of would-be doctors that he can pick in response to his preference to scientifically-inclined ladies, “No, not a doctor. We would have no time for each other.” And he followed by these words, immortally-emblazoned in my mind, “I might be old-fashioned, but nurses and school-teachers are my favourite professions to look for in a woman.” To which I responded, honestly and not sarcastically at all, “You’re not old-fashioned. You’re simply normal.”
Ustaz Hasrizal, one of the beacons of hope for the human race, who had so bravely and chivalrously married a doctor, suffered for it and borne it courageously, even happily, said something like this, “When I told my friends I’m marrying a doctor, they think I was out of my mind.”
It’s pretty self-explanatory, really. Indeed I should just say that “Girls who study medicine worry about not finding a good husband.” and you readers would deduce everything without needing me to blabber about it. Fact is, it is tough stuff, very challenging, for men to choose to marry a doctor (consider the term “medical student” and “doctor” interchangeable, OK?) It is even tough for the (poor) ladies themselves to live on their own with such a demanding career (doesn’t the studying for OSCE give us a clue what to expect later on?), let alone live through a marriage with husband and kids to boot. We kept convincing ourselves that it’ll be allright, it’ll be bearable, with a supportive and helpful husband. Whom chances are, would be quite difficult to come by. These (poor) husbands need supportive and helpful wives as well!
A guy who wrote in Forbes, commented,
“If they quit their jobs and stay home with the kids, they will be unhappy ( Journal of Marriage and Family, 2003). They will be unhappy if they make more money than you do ( Social Forces, 2006). You will be unhappy if they make more money than you do ( Journal of Marriage and Family, 2001). You will be more likely to fall ill ( American Journal of Sociology). Even your house will be dirtier ( Institute for Social Research).”
I didn’t have time to come up with detailed statistics to back up my claims (blame all the Raya feasts and Neuro notes), however it might be enlighteningly informative if you would check up these other links I managed to find. Really, some of the contents are quite - erm, mildly enraging. When professional women don’t marry, of course, it’s our fault. We should just marry any poor sod coming our way, without any concern for kufu or the man’s viability to be the imam in the family prayers (or the local mosque). Even when the issue is presented in a supposedly intellectual, analytical setting, it’s the ‘fault’ of these poor ladies that are lambasted upon the first. Then suggestions like Kahwin Misyar for the poor unmarried ladies are proposed (see, they admit that these ladies DO want to get married. how’s that for inconsistency?)
Weep.
So ladies, what do we do? Stop studying, get back to the kitchen and perfect our techniques of saute-ing the garlic to an exact shade of golden-yellow and slicing the cabbages with the perfect size (or determining to which direction the muscular fibers of the beef run - to get tender meat, follow those lines when slicing, a cooking tip offered for free)? Or just go to any nursing school, teaching colleges, or humanities faculty that would render you a perfect candidate for a male seeking ‘intelligent, sophisticated females with open minds and feminine tendencies who would be a good wife and mother as well’.
Or another drastic turn (for any ladies in schools determined to churn out professionals, most applicable for the barely-existant self-sponsored breeds) is by simply completing the course and NOT working anywhere than in the home. Yeah, that’s right, my dear Chemical Engineering sister who breaks her head studying Thermodynamics, get the degree and then stay at home, waiting for the time your kids are grown enough for you to help them with their homework, so that you can occasionally mention “The time when I was in university….” Of course, we study for Allah’s sake, not for worldly gains, but if we’re doing things in futility, better go do something else! If the time spent studying Thermodynamics (or the spinothalamic and spinoreticulothalamic pathways of nociception) is not going to directly bring benefit, perhaps we’d better go study culinary or professional childcare.
A relative of mine, an excellent, to-die-for husband and father, told me something to this effect, “Men don’t really want women who are too clever. They’ll find daily household chores mundane and boring. They won’t have much time for the family. Sure, they want a wife who’s smart. A smart wife who can manage family and practical affairs, smart in living a balanced life.” Well said. I do agree with him, truly. (For note, his wife obtained her Bachelor’s and Master’s Degree in Islamic and Comparative Law after the marriage, they were even blessed with two lovely daughters in the process. She now works in JAKIM as Timbalan Pengarah in a department, and her husband seems happy about it.)
I’m not blaming anybody here. (In case anyone with mind-blowing analysing capability would like to point that out to disregard my reputation and blast my credibility to dust). I’m just stating a situation, seemingly catch-22 situation, in which ladies who chose to become professionals would be constantly victimized, blamed, deprived of any chance of happiness, doomed to living hell (OK I’m exaggerating) - unless she chose to not marry or really don’t give a button when the Knight in Shining Armor would scoop her into his arms and ride with her into the setting sun. Oh wait, she’d then be blamed for not being desperate to marry! She should also have a very tough auditory-filtering ability to selectively choose which societal comments to heed and which to give a deaf ear to.
A friend of mine opined that it is better for women to stay at home. Indeed, the husbands are happier and can function better in society with a ‘traditional’ wife. So to speak, her lack of presence in society is made up by her husband’s better performance rendered possible by her sacrifice. A lot of time, if her mind is functioning according to the programming of fitrah, she’d be happy as well. Yes, as a young lady, I admit that I would be happy to be a full-time mother and wife, with only my husband and kids and house to take care of, with ample time to exercise my intellectuality and write, Nisah Haron a good example. However, I’m forced to differ when i think about the poor ladies in the villages who need medical and psychological aid from female practitioners at best. The distraught mother-to-be’s (and their concerned husbands) who would give the world’s worth to deliver in the hands of a female ob-gyn? The women in destitute corners of the back alleys, of Third-World countries, or simply of their own minds (rich exterior, deprived interior), who need women of learning, of iman, of professionality, to reach out to them? Given the situation of the world today, men can’t do ALL the things that need doing!
And in case another mind-blowing analysis of my failure to recognize priorities in life is presented, I stress here, I realize that the husband and family is the utmost priorities in a married woman’s life. However there are a whole lot of issues out there that need to be solved, and that needs a lot of compromising and sacrifices from BOTH sides. As Dr Harlina Halizah, a well-accomplished ob-gyn specialist and social-Islamic activist once said, something like “People asked me how I manage to shoulder various responsibilities and still maintain a happy and functional family, always prioritizing my family above everything else yet successfully carry my duties. It’s how you manage your family, and not letting your family manage you.”
Shall we, or shall we not? Shall the intelligent ladies with grand missions in life and for humanity simply resign to the fact that nothing is free, nothing is without payments, and one of the prices they have to pay is the joys of a charming husband and delightful kids? Perhaps there is some hope, but reality - at least in my homeland defies the statistics shown there.
I rest my case.
salam’alaik
meow~
26 responses so far ↓
kaki bangku // Oct 15, 2007 at 6:45 am
Thanks for sharing this. Seriously, I hadn’t heard of this dilemma that female medic students have. Because what I have heard of in America is the exact opposite - nice conservative muslimat only want men who are doctors! Likely due to financial stability and its rather clean source of income unlike business and others which meddle a lot with interest-money.
In consumerist & capitalist America, men dont look for old-fashionedness, ability to cook, do house chores etc in women. Food is bought, house chores are serviced, etc etc. Money is everything, absolutely.
And as Malaysia moves closer in this direction, things probably will turn similar. It won’t take long until women doctors’ ability to generate income will be a huge bonus. So, dont’ fret, there’s a lot to be optimistic about.
faqir // Oct 15, 2007 at 6:57 am
Hey, guess what, my future wife is a medical student at UPM. Heh.. After failed with an engineer, an accountant and an ustazah (two days before getting engaged, she declared it was cancelled!), I am grateful to have been engaged with a year-two UPM medical student.
someone // Oct 15, 2007 at 8:52 pm
such an enlightening article.
we guys never knew that girls are really looking a good husband.
well..looking at how some malaysian muslims behaving nowadays..
rempit n all..
anyway,dont worry.
good guys are looking for good girls as well.
“lelaki yang baik adalah untuk perempuan yang baik.”
salam.
Nurses and School-Teachers Only, Please? : Bolehland // Oct 16, 2007 at 4:18 am
[...] By Adibah Abdullah [...]
Taufik // Oct 16, 2007 at 4:50 pm
I’ve heard people saying “anything but doctors” too. But I never thought that this is such a serious issue among muslimat doctors-to-be. I thought that there must be plenty of knights in shining armours somewhere out there. Quite an eye-opener.
Bukannye bnyk those medic students dah kawin awal mase belaja lagi ke? Sorry for the naivety, I’m so detached from kampung melayu nowadays.
Bangku punye analysis sungguh menarik. Must be really warm to those doctors-to-be hearts’.
p/s: Is job description really that high in priority (within context pls)??? Maybe to some. I guess faqir would beg to differ. hehe..
zaid // Oct 16, 2007 at 7:09 pm
Hmm…hehe..I would love to respond to this article. Well-written and honest. Not enough time to write at the moment. Will be responding as soon as I’m free. =)
adibahabdullah // Oct 16, 2007 at 8:08 pm
salam’alaik,
Yes, Bangku’s analysis is indeed interesting and heart-warming. To whose heart, I dare not speculate. Haha. And Faqir is definitely another “beacon of hope for the human race”. Sincerely wishing you and your future zaujah the best in this world and the next.
The actual main concern that I’d like to propound is that of unmarried female professionals. And since I’m currently in medical school, on my way to join the distinguished league of career women (insyaAllah), I’m focusing on the medical field. Like I stated earlier,
” …I’m bringing it from the viewpoint that I know best, which is mine.”
Most probably it is also the concern of young ladies in other professionalities as well, and theirs could be more intense than ours medics.
Hm, “serious issue” Taufik? In my humble opinion, this is definitely an issue - or I wouldn’t have written about it - but how big is it, how serious is it, how detrimental is it, I leave it an open question. The impact on society, on the family, on women as a whole, I leave it an open question yet to be discussed. Of course, simply stating “unmarried women professionals” opens a whole lot of possibilities as to what issue to discuss, from the perspective of sociopolitical, academic, religious, even Freudian psychoanalysis, but I focus on one concern - reluctance of men to tie the knot over possible commitment problems from their professional wives.
Or perhaps my observation is entirely off-track, mistaken, over-the-top, exaggerating, and other female medical students (or doctors) out there would like to vehemently protest and claim that I’m degrading the feminine race. If that is the case, it’ll be up to the independent observers to judge. To each his/her opinion. If there’s any statistical refutations, I’d welcome them with open arms.
A lot of medical students get married early? I think that statement on its own is quite open to fallacies, due to lack of substantial data to support it and the issue whether the sample size from which it is derived is valid. I’ll present some of the questions that need to be resolved before such a conclusion can be reached.
1) Is it really a majority of Malaysian female medical students marrying early, or is it just applicable to female medical students studying overseas?
2) And even if “a lot” of Malaysian female medical students studying overseas SEEM to be marrying early, is it because getting married is such a hot issue that even if it’s only a fraction of the population that does so, the impact is disproportionately big? Not to mention that the large number of early marriages involve organizational activism (I’m not expressing any opinions on that), hence making the sample size if referred to particular groups seem much smaller, thus perception renders the marriages more significant, despite a substantial number of people not yet married out there. (Am I making myself understood here? You may read a few times if it helps).
3)Reading a lot of ‘cerpen dan artikel dakwah’, I found that unmarried ‘akhawat’ mentioned quite a number of times. Considering that ‘akhawat’ in the contexts discussed are mostly university-educated, or overseas-educated, it points that even in organizations, unmarried-ness among ladies is an issue. (I had NEVER read any article lamenting difficulties of ‘ikhwah’ to find a wife the way difficulties of ‘akhawat’ are being concerns about).
4)Even if they manage to get married, what about divorce rates among professionals?
These are merely questions, based on real-life situations, no opinionated claims from my part whatsoever. Up to you readers to think. Sorry, I’m not basing my assertations on any solid statistics that I can smack here for all to see. It’s general observations from readings and discussions. Even TOK essays accept personal accounts =p
This, by no means, is a desperate “Marry us, Pleaseee…” plea! Do view this as a serious address of the issue - thence discussed by the ministers and professors, now put upon our hands, the students, future professionals, to ponder upon. Perhaps to propose solutions. And remember, with all due reverence to the divine and respect to ’someone’ who commented, simply quoting verses and Hadiths would usually be not adequate to be regarded as opinions or solutions for complex social problems, unless accompanied by explanations and applications.
By the way, what job description, Taufik? Even my normally interpretative brain seem to stumble there…=? Hehe.
salam’alaik
meow~
mrq // Oct 16, 2007 at 11:54 pm
…….i dont have any problem marrying a doctor, peace
Taufik // Oct 17, 2007 at 1:27 am
Owh I see. No, I’m like a blind person when it comes to this topic, because as I said, I don’t live in a kampung melayu environment. I would say that the Canadians and Americans mindsets are a bit different and not really applicable to this issue, as Bangku has pointed out – although somehow he managed to make a connection with the future Malaysians mindset. But of course I have my own personal views that require no social analysis (Nak kene cerite dekat sini ke? Err, takpe lah. Hehe..) So those “serious issues” and “a lot” are pure assumptions by me and I was actually asking for clarification. I didn’t ask for a statistics either, just a big picture of the situation as you have given.
About the job description, it’s my mistake, not your interpretative brain =/ Let me rephrase: Is one’s wife-to-be occupation the ultimate factor that can make or break the relationship? Does it start because of her job? I’m sure personal views will defer from a person to a person, but the issue of unmarried career women indeed exists. So, I was being rhetorical, pardon me.
It’s good that you have mentioned that other professional jobs can be as tough and problematic as medic, because I was just about to point that out.
As for teachers and nurses as wives, in certain cases it can be unfavorable too. Like, people will ask, “Kau nak kahwin dengan cikgu je? Ingatkan engineer ke, doktor ke, accountant ke?†Of course, no social crisis about this, it’s only a small problem on individual level. But I guess Malaysia is facing problems with shortage of teachers too – a job that is fast becoming unglamorous nowadays. Malaysia needs more doctors too of course. I don’t know about nurses, but we are talking about wives right now, not job problems (Ops… out of track).
As for advice – just an advice, not a solution – follow Ustaz Hasrizal’s slogan: “Erti Hidup Pada Yang Memberi.†Nak memberi ke nak menerima? Kalau nak memberi apa-apa (within context) je pon boleh kan? Hehe.. Maybe we need more altruism in each one of us. So Bangku, how do we nurture an altruistic society?
kaki bangku // Oct 17, 2007 at 6:53 am
Well, knowing me, you know what my answer is. It’s the “S” word, its about doing away with one’s ego.
Taufik // Oct 17, 2007 at 12:36 pm
By the way, hows does ‘pembantu rumah’ comes into play in this problem? I think men nowadays would contemplate marrying these professional women more than ever before, because they think the problem of unattended, unkept house can be solved by just hiring a pembantu rumah. Furthermore If the husband is a professional - most probably he is - he won’t be at home that often too, forget about missing those frequent romantic gateways. Anak-anak semua boleh hantar taski, taska, asrama, mrsm, sekolah agama berasrama, etc. Now this sounds so KL, or life at other ‘big cities’ at Malaysia… hehe.. By the way, I know even some nurses and teachers have pembantu rumah.
So I guess the society is slowly evolving to accomodate these career women, as bangku has pointed out. But maybe the problem is, most of the ‘ideal’ husband that these akhawats want, still prefer a more traditional wife. You know, Ustaz Hasrizal is like one in a million. Well Ustaz Hasrizal is too high a standard, maybe not many Faqirs too (maap faqir). But even this trend is slowly changing I guess. This is just my oppinion.
fattnieniey // Oct 18, 2007 at 1:22 pm
salam.
And i thought marrying early among medical students in moscow was a big deal.*huh*
trully,well said.
i’m a 3rd year medical student myself and find it rather distracting when the girls started to talk about the desperation to find boyfriends,about marriage,etc because i just feel so inferior just even thinking about it.
i mean seriously, are we that “prevented”?
It’s not a big issue but definitely an issue.All of my room mates are single-mingle so whenever they have time,this would be the prominent issue discussed.
So,if female doctors rather chose male doctors as husband,and male doctors chose nurse,teachers as wife,who’ll be rather choosing the female docs?
yikes.
great article btw.
selamat hari raya from moscow.:)
nnydd // Oct 19, 2007 at 6:21 am
dont care much about the whole article but i am interested to see your photo collection. there are some brothers that i havent seen for ages, and it woudl be great to see if the toddlers have grown up. teehee
nks // Oct 25, 2007 at 10:34 pm
uiks, lama tak jenguk kakiblog.
hmm, i’ve never myself put that much of a thought on these specific women&marriage issues.
Mungkin kerana ada perkara2 dalam fikiran utk dgn mudah terlepas pandang hal2 mentioned above (though being in 20-age, it’s normal for girls to have thought a lot abt marriage) atau mungkin juga kerana hati telah tetap, yakin bhw jodoh itu ditgn Allah?
… Allahu’Alam. la a’rif.
I think it’s a win-win situation either way.
Whichever way we(girls) ended up going (bekerjaya/bekeluarga/kedua-duanya), peluang utk
bermujahadah still ada.
Though for some, the satisfaction of having a great husband/family/children is irreplacable (plus with marriage being said as (one of) the easiest way for women to get to Jannah), i guess Allah knows best, no?
heh, saja menjengah.
Utk Syabab sekalian, luaskan pandangan.
Kpd an-nisa’, stay cool.. (”,)
allah yusallimukum!
FahdRazy // Oct 31, 2007 at 9:12 pm
Uishh… =D
mypetridish // Nov 5, 2007 at 7:03 am
fattnieniey, i dont think calling others single-minded makes you any less shallow than they are
degrading you aside, and to answer your question, i would marry a female doctor. as of now i am engaged to a med student studying in cambridge university.
whether or not other female doctors are gng to fool a future husband is not and issue, and by far it is none of your business. i surely hope that female doctors-to-be under scholarship did not accept the offers for reasons other than to be a doctor and to serve the country and its people.
a person who chooses a career based on the kind of spouses that they would find make them no different compared to GROs.
no offence to the GROs
in the end of the day, i wouldnt marry a jobless woman who cannot help me raise a good family. i dont give a damn what she does, as long as she is a good wife material. choose your spouse based on his/her character, not based on what they do.
adibahabdullah // Nov 5, 2007 at 9:33 am
mypetridish,
To be fair to fattnieniey, i believe she said ‘SINGLE-MINGLE’ = a casual expression referring to the status of her flatmates in relationships (single and ready to mingle, as the joke goes); not ‘SINGLE-MINDED’.
meow~
faiz azmi // Nov 5, 2007 at 3:13 pm
emm fine, i misread. my bad
left_back // Nov 8, 2007 at 6:43 am
artikel yg menarik.congratulation to the writer who brought this issue.
bagi aku la ape2 yg kita buat,kita mesti kene korbankan sesuatu.mcm dalam hal kahwin dan kerjaya nie.dua2 sama penting.takde kerjaya,tak boleh nak support family,takde family terasa hidup sunyi pulak.
jadi antara kerjaya dan keluarga nie ibarat ditelan mati mak,diluah mati bapak.apa2 yg kita buat salah satu akan terkorban.
cuma aku terpikir,kenapa nak kahwin kalau dh ada kerjaya yg baik.mcm diri penulis seorang bakal doktor,kenapa mahu berkahwin jika penulis pernah terpikir mcm nie:
” i think about the poor ladies in the villages who need medical and psychological aid from female practitioners at best”
bagi aku tujuan penulis nie mulia.bukan nak kata kahwin tu tak mulia,tapi kalau dh kahwin aku rasa penulis mungkin kurang dpt membantu golongan2 yg memerlukan nie sebab ada hal family yg perlu diutamakan dahulu.jadi bukan ke senang jika tidak berkahwin.you are sacrificing yourself for the greater good man!!
bila tak kahwin,kita boleh lakukan bnyk mende,boleh belajar lagi tinggi, bekerja lagi kuat dan mcm2 laig tanpa risau psl anak dan suami.pendek kata kita boleh fokus kepada satu2 bende yg kita betul2 nak buat.kita boleh memberi sumbangan lebih tinggi kepada masyarakat kalau itu yg kita inginkan.(dlm hal ini,usah dibandingkan dengan nabi walaupun sepatutnya kita ikut nabi.dalam hal nie,kalau boleh bandingkan dengan org yg mempunayai nilai iman yg sama.mencontohi nabi is one in hundred years apart for a mere human like us)
mungkin ada yg berpendapat aku ni anti perkahwinan.aku bukan nya anti berkahwin,tapi bila aku terpikir kahwin nie,bukan soal paham-memahami antara sesama pasangan, hal saling bantu-membantu dan memenuhi basic instinct masing2 sahaja.bagi aku bila berkahwin nie soal pokok dan utamanya ialah tanggungjawab.
mampukah kita nak memikul tanggungjawab setelah berkahwin.mampukah kita menjadi seorang ister,suami,ibu atau bapa yg baik kepada keluarga kita.soal tanggungjawab nie yg patut difikirkan terlebih dahulu dari soal mencari kredibiliti pasangan itu.
bagi aku la,bila terpikir bab kahwin,bergetar lutut memikirkan tanggungjawab bila dah kahwin.bagi perempuan kurang la sket kot sebab tanggungjawab tak besar sgt.yg laki nie,bila dah kahwin, kene jaga bini,lepas tu bila dah ada anak kene jaga anak dan bini.hai..banyak beno nak kene jaganya.diri sendiri pun tak terjaga nak kene jaga org.
perempuan mungkin juga berat,nak kene layan suami,layan anak2,dan ape2 tannggungjawab yg sewaktunya dengan nya sebagai seorang isteri.
tapi cuba kita pikir,banyak tak bende yg nak kene buat bila dah kahwin dibandingkan dengan hidup membujang.
Franique Black // Nov 11, 2007 at 12:57 am
hey hey ppl. but in general, one should never make such conditions whenever they want to get married, like the nurses and school teachers only thingy. perhaps they feel threatened with women/girls having higher levels than men. it’s normal. plus, they dont want to be down-sized by the community just because the wives are superiorly better than the husbands. but, if they’re mature enough, they would do it profesionally.
d49 // Nov 16, 2007 at 6:00 am
ape la korg nie.belajar tak abih lagi dah pikir nak kahwin.kasi dapat degree dulu baru pikir soal kahwin.isk2..
aku tanya member aku bdk cina,ada tak diorg pikir kahwin masa time belajar.korg tau member aku nie ckp ape:
‘ape u mau bagi isteri u makan time kalau masih belajar’
aku tau boleh je sebenarnya nak kahwin tanpa menggangu tumpuan terhadap pelajaran.cuma ape yg aku nk tekankan disini ialah priority kita sebagai pelajar.belajar atau kahwin?
adibahabdullah // Nov 16, 2007 at 11:07 am
kalau saya tanya saudara, apa priority kita sebagai pelajar? belajar atau mengambil tahu urusan ummah? belajar atau BERSIH?
saudara nak jawab apa?
mungkin saudara tak sokong BERSIH, jadi soalan bahagian kedua tu boleh jadi tak relevan. tapi saya rasa soalan pertama tu insyaAllah relevan dengan saudara.
life is not divided into such tightly-defined compartments, friend.
=)
shah // Jan 14, 2008 at 11:59 am
amusing article….
as a medic in UK, i hereby admitted that it is a big deal for me whether my future ehem2 is a medic or non medic(no prize for guessing the ultimate preference). being self proclaimed family man and seeing the experiences of other older guys married to a doc,i really find it hard to see myself coming back home tired and see a barely-readable sticky notes on my glossy fridge-’ayang, i kena extra on call today,dinner u order je ek,nanti i balik 8am esok.Esok jgn lupa suruh Kashah bwk baju PJ tau.regards,ayang’.and 7am next day shud hav already left for Hospital Ampang for my own work.bless
with that as a mindset, i was approached(in a respectable way of course)by a perfect girl(apparently she has everything-pandai,terer masak,a leader,lawa,great parents,my house dkt dgn hers etc).and akhwat too.what more can you ask?
but nooooooooo…why on earth is she doing medic?one thing led to another,and at the moment the only thing that repels me from accepting her is that(tarik nafas, ridiculous statement after this bracket) she’s a medic!
the very reason i was reading this article as if it is my antimicrobial chemotheraphy textbook is that whats written are probably what goes thru in her mind all this while.i know that feeling of will-i-ever-find-a-gud-guy have been there among medics,seemingly more so among akhwats(probably bcoz they love to make tragic cerpens out of it),but this is 1st time i learn this from 1st account,from the very person in question.kudos to the writer
aanyway,in conclusion,although by no means my opinion represents that of other guys and ikhwah,i juz wanna say that the stigma is there to a certain extent,in me,and in some of my friends).whether or not its(being a medic or not) enuff to,say,be the deciding factor for me(or my friends) to choose our ehem2,is still remain to be seen.maybe i will choose a teacher instead,or maybe i will just go ‘ahh medic pn manusia jugak!,why not!’, read the ‘erti hidup pada memberi’ article 1000times,and get married with a doc afterwards.
alqasam // Jan 16, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Salam
Such an interesting article. I don’t know so much about this, but having an uncle who are doing medicne and a sister who also in the same field make me clear about certain thing.
Yes indeed, there a certain aspect and issues revolving medical students practice after becoming a doctor that will worried some normal and ordinary human being which is: unexpected schedule. It is happen and rarely been discussed among society until I read one article by Saifulislam.
As my uncle said, usually medical student will try to find a partner in marriage who are doing the same courses to avoid argument and misunderstanding that will lead to divorce or unhappy marriage. He said, that only medical student will understand medical student position.
On the other hands, their are some medical students and doctors who are interested to find a wife who are outside of medical practice. In what we can say to create a balance family with all the hectic schedule they have. As bro Taufiq asserted ” traditional housewives or wives.”
But this is a subjective matters. So sister adibah less worry ok. There is always someone for someone. A duah that has been teach by Saydatina Aishah R.A in one kitab by I forgot.
” Allahumma Aslihlana Sha’nina Wa La Takilna Ila Anfusina Torfata ‘Ayunin”.
InshAllah it is reliable and a good dua. Just leave it to Allah, pray the best in the sight of Allah not the best in our own eyes.
We never know what will happen in the future. Some husbands before marriage they are ok with this and that when married a doctor but after marriage failed to do so and felt unsatisfied and regret.
On the other hand, some husbands also can be so understanding and full of tolerance no matter who they are either a doctor or not.
As for me, it is not at all about love. Love is not everything. But in everything will develop love. i.e respect, understanding, tolerance, accept each other as they are, complete each other, practicing Sunnah, being an obedient servant, duah and more importantly marriage is to seek Allah’s love and pleasure and create a marriage that will please Allah’s pleasure and Rasulullah s.a.w.
heks~ // Feb 1, 2008 at 10:56 am
aaahhh…~~~!!
love the article~~~
though it scares the guts out of me thinking that i am served with the fact that there are chances for me to end up living alone for my whole life~~~
though the guys do have their own demands concerning the wives that they desire, but the written fate will finalise everything aite~~?
n i suppose there’s a saying about human are created in pairs?
just lay back doctors,leave it to The One and everthing will be okay~~
Dan // Apr 6, 2008 at 10:34 pm
i need a wife nice one am from nigeria
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